Cynicism

Is My Cynicism of Men Justified?
As the title states, I don’t care about other people’s cynicism toward men. The question begs more questions: whether it was brought on by past sin, present expectation, or future hope. Can it be reversed? Does one’s whole life have to be affected severely by it?
If cynicism toward men by me was brought on by past sin, it deserves careful thought. I no doubt have past sin, as everyone, but does it have anything to do with today’s cynicism? I also no doubt hate the sin that men have decided to throw at me, sexually and otherwise. I am presently burdened by it, even if I claim not to be to anyone’s face. It keeps cropping up like weeds in an otherwise gorgeous, flourishing garden. I tend to lump groups of men together as players, nice, mean, and other simple terms that are stereotypical and mean in their own right. This has a huge effect toward making my cynicism prosper.
Perhaps my current cynicism of men is because of my present expectation of men. I expect that men who appear nice will be nice, instead of treating me like their mistress or garbage can, or both. We are generally speaking of Christ-followers, or pretenders of Christ-followers. I don’t believe it is too childish of me to think that people are inherently good… although Paul does say in Romans that no one is good, not one. I also expect that men can see a little of who I am, and so treat me with dignity and not make too many outlandish assumptions.
In terms of future hope, I started thinking about marriage at age 8, and my mom told me I needn’t worry about it quite yet. All the same, I pictured a very long line of men in my mind, lined up to be The One; the person I’d eventually marry. As I’d date one man, he would step forward in the line of men, but not too far forward. When we broke up, he’d step back, and eventually with the years, disappear from the line. With my cynicism at full blast, is there a line? I’m of childbearing age, and God knows I see it within the next one or two years to marry. This paper was initiated out of all three of these concepts discussed. I can’t, won’t sit around doing nothing about this cynicism and hatred and let it destroy me. It impacts my depression acutely.
For reversal, my options appear limited. Take the anti-depressant. Talk to men you don’t like to create reverse psychology and you may end up liking them. Don’t talk to men you like, you’ll be sorely and painfully disappointed; thus increasing cynicism and distress.
My life this morning has been affected severely by cynicism. I was so angry at what a man said to my face on Sunday that I could only look at people as I drove by with that same anger. I am in the image business, and anger on a face of someone in the image business will not increase business. This in turn affects my level of depression adversely because I let a potential customer see my weakness. This cycle of cynicism is not what God had in mind when He created me.
All in all, my cynicism of men may be justified by my past sin and present expectation. My future hope of a man who will treat me the way God intended a man to treat me is separate, and will remain a hope until it is actualized. I don’t see a way of reversing my cynicism, only diminishing it by finite amounts. Lastly, I know who I am in Christ and I needn’t be so angry. I’m Emilie, though, and being angry and defensive is something I’ve become quite skilled at as an adolescent as well as into adulthood.