I wore shoes today that are supposed to be nice work-related shoes, but I wore them all day. I decided to, granted, but my feet are not liking me right now.
The sermon tonight was in part about doing hard things, and I related doing hard things with wearing uncomfortable shoes. They may seem comfortable for the first few hours, but once you hit that seven or eight hour mark, along with knee-high stockings that are cutting off the circulation to your legs, watch out.
This is also reminiscent of the movie The Second Chance with Michael W. Smith, which I've written about occasionally. Smith goes to the inner city, slings potatoes with the inner city pastor for 10 minutes, while on camera, and then goes back to his mega-church...I won't ruin the rest; it is an excellent film, as well as Smith's debut film role. The sermon tonight also mentioned virtue, and people who are genuinely being virtuous and passionate about the inner city for God versus people who just sling potatoes for ten minutes.
I think people generally, whether Christian or not, want to be comfortable. We want to stay where it's safe, and not risk life or limb for anyone, let alone God. I believe God calls us to live riskily, and be a martyr if necessary. That's for another blog entry completely, though.
Sometimes you have to don those uncomfortable shoes for what seems like an unbearable amount of time, but you're feet will feel better once you've broken them in.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Drive Safe
Don't people say that all the time? Drive safe, and then your automatic response is "Okay, you too," and that is the last you talk about each other's driving experiences for that trip. I have never given much thought to how important that is; how that is actually real good advice.
I know why we never pay much attention to it: because we trust our own driving so much that we assure ourselves right after we hear "drive safe" that we won't get in an accident. The only way we would have any follow-up to it is if one of the parties actually got in an accident. Think about it: Do you ever hear anyone the next time you see them say to you "So, did you drive safe that one time?" Of course not; we just go on about our own lives. We take for granted that we won't get in an accident and let me tell you, if I did get in an accident, the last thing I would want to hear when being treated at the hospital is, "I told you to drive safe" or some nonsense.
I put so much preface on this because I almost did get in an accident this evening. I almost ran a guy over, and I was going fast enough to kill him. My fault, and I said to myself, "Negligent homicide" so that it would sink in that, had I killed him, that would have been the most likely charge.
I was thinking about food, okay? Food. There's a Burgerville on the way home, and so I was thinking about their yummy milkshakes. There's a DQ but I noticed all their lights were out otherwise I probably would have gotten a blizzard. I was still thinking about DQ when I remembered there is a 7-11 on the way home as well. I started thinking what kind of desserty thing they have, and I was focusing on the lights that the business has, and noticed a bank ATM's lights were on. I was like, "Ooooh, lights, pretty," and by the grace of God my brain told me to look back at the road, where a man was jaywalking where there was no crosswalk (bugs me when people do that when there are crosswalks two feet away), and was looking at the ground while taking a drink of whatever he bought at 7-11. Didn't even look up, change his expression to acknowledge I was there, nothing. I braked when I saw him, and waited till he was safely out of my lane...
I don't think it's too strong a phrase to say "by the grace of God" either. I was seriously inches away from this guy and no one made a sound. There were some people on the curb talking and things, they didn't say anything like "Look out" or anything. Just wow.
I know why we never pay much attention to it: because we trust our own driving so much that we assure ourselves right after we hear "drive safe" that we won't get in an accident. The only way we would have any follow-up to it is if one of the parties actually got in an accident. Think about it: Do you ever hear anyone the next time you see them say to you "So, did you drive safe that one time?" Of course not; we just go on about our own lives. We take for granted that we won't get in an accident and let me tell you, if I did get in an accident, the last thing I would want to hear when being treated at the hospital is, "I told you to drive safe" or some nonsense.
I put so much preface on this because I almost did get in an accident this evening. I almost ran a guy over, and I was going fast enough to kill him. My fault, and I said to myself, "Negligent homicide" so that it would sink in that, had I killed him, that would have been the most likely charge.
I was thinking about food, okay? Food. There's a Burgerville on the way home, and so I was thinking about their yummy milkshakes. There's a DQ but I noticed all their lights were out otherwise I probably would have gotten a blizzard. I was still thinking about DQ when I remembered there is a 7-11 on the way home as well. I started thinking what kind of desserty thing they have, and I was focusing on the lights that the business has, and noticed a bank ATM's lights were on. I was like, "Ooooh, lights, pretty," and by the grace of God my brain told me to look back at the road, where a man was jaywalking where there was no crosswalk (bugs me when people do that when there are crosswalks two feet away), and was looking at the ground while taking a drink of whatever he bought at 7-11. Didn't even look up, change his expression to acknowledge I was there, nothing. I braked when I saw him, and waited till he was safely out of my lane...
I don't think it's too strong a phrase to say "by the grace of God" either. I was seriously inches away from this guy and no one made a sound. There were some people on the curb talking and things, they didn't say anything like "Look out" or anything. Just wow.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Fear
Most fears are deemed irrational by a lot of people. Cops? A fear for me. I've not gotten in trouble with police before, but something about police cruisers sometimes creeps me out. I slow down even if I am going the speed limit, I tense up, I'm thinking, "Don't pull me over, don't pull me over. I have all my info if you do, but please don't."
I know that cops can break certain traffic rules, as can ambulance drivers and the like. Some cops don't signal, for instance, and speeding is generally one of them as well. These last couple nights, however, have been very strange.
I was coming home from a friend's house around 10:30 or so on Monday, and I took a different way home than I usually do. Otherwise, I wouldn't have seen this: a few cop cars were ahead of me, and one just had his brakes on, the one ahead of him had his yellow emergency flashers on. I am trying to navigate between the one with the yellow flashers (on my right), and a parked car on my left, to a stop sign that is less than 10 feet in front of me. I feel very cramped and like I am going to hit one of these cars. Okay, so maybe I have a little depth perception issue, but it has gotten better with practice.
So, that was strange, especially since no one was doing anything wrong.
Then tonight, as I make my way home at about 12:15, I again go a different route, but a separate one than before. Otherwise, I would have seen the following scene right in front of me and bugged out. So, I am going straight ahead, when I see a cop car on my right with it's yellow flashers on. Then out of no where zooms this car (which is a police-related car because of the red and blue flashers where most people have their headlights). It does a crazy circle U-turn and almost bashes into (from my view) the police car that has its yellow flashers on. Then I notice on the other side of the street, a car with it's yellow flashers on, and I see smoke coming out the exhaust pipe. My brain tells me it's smoke because of a car accident and that's why the police are there. Upon closer inspection, this second yellow-flasher car is another police cruiser. As I slow to a crawl, I look inside this second cruiser expecting to see a cop inside. There is none. The car behind me is getting impatient, as I am going 5 in a 20 mph zone. I speed up slightly, still thinking something's amiss.
I have decided to dismiss it as police messing around, but why late at night, but not too late, when there is still traffic. I thought that since I interrupted their fun they were going to arrest me. I even tricked myself into believing that the car behind me that was annoyed was a cop too.
This is not a huge neighborhood I am talking about here. This is not in the middle of a boulevard (thank God) but it nonetheless is a highway where people are driving, so I think it is inappropriate to scare the living daylights out of someone who isn't especially keen on driving at night anyway.
Penny for your thoughts.
I know that cops can break certain traffic rules, as can ambulance drivers and the like. Some cops don't signal, for instance, and speeding is generally one of them as well. These last couple nights, however, have been very strange.
I was coming home from a friend's house around 10:30 or so on Monday, and I took a different way home than I usually do. Otherwise, I wouldn't have seen this: a few cop cars were ahead of me, and one just had his brakes on, the one ahead of him had his yellow emergency flashers on. I am trying to navigate between the one with the yellow flashers (on my right), and a parked car on my left, to a stop sign that is less than 10 feet in front of me. I feel very cramped and like I am going to hit one of these cars. Okay, so maybe I have a little depth perception issue, but it has gotten better with practice.
So, that was strange, especially since no one was doing anything wrong.
Then tonight, as I make my way home at about 12:15, I again go a different route, but a separate one than before. Otherwise, I would have seen the following scene right in front of me and bugged out. So, I am going straight ahead, when I see a cop car on my right with it's yellow flashers on. Then out of no where zooms this car (which is a police-related car because of the red and blue flashers where most people have their headlights). It does a crazy circle U-turn and almost bashes into (from my view) the police car that has its yellow flashers on. Then I notice on the other side of the street, a car with it's yellow flashers on, and I see smoke coming out the exhaust pipe. My brain tells me it's smoke because of a car accident and that's why the police are there. Upon closer inspection, this second yellow-flasher car is another police cruiser. As I slow to a crawl, I look inside this second cruiser expecting to see a cop inside. There is none. The car behind me is getting impatient, as I am going 5 in a 20 mph zone. I speed up slightly, still thinking something's amiss.
I have decided to dismiss it as police messing around, but why late at night, but not too late, when there is still traffic. I thought that since I interrupted their fun they were going to arrest me. I even tricked myself into believing that the car behind me that was annoyed was a cop too.
This is not a huge neighborhood I am talking about here. This is not in the middle of a boulevard (thank God) but it nonetheless is a highway where people are driving, so I think it is inappropriate to scare the living daylights out of someone who isn't especially keen on driving at night anyway.
Penny for your thoughts.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Non-Profit Group support
Raise money for Portland Community College - Northwest Collegiate Ministries just by searching the web and shopping online!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Michael
There really is something to say when a man who's 50 dies from cardiac arrest. This health class I'm taking is really opening my eyes to how important taking care of yourself really is. I know that on average people with a higher income level are going to have better health than people who are poor, and therefore live longer. Michael moved up the income ladder, but what I immediately thought of when I heard was, "Stress". There's no denying that the trial put an enormous amount of pressure on him, and he lost a lot of weight very quickly. I know that was a while ago, but the effects of things stay with us.
Part of me is still in denial, but part of it has hit home, because Farrah died on the same day. Different circumstances, but I am going through stress right now, also. I can feel it bearing down on my heart.
.TAKE/CARE.
Part of me is still in denial, but part of it has hit home, because Farrah died on the same day. Different circumstances, but I am going through stress right now, also. I can feel it bearing down on my heart.
.TAKE/CARE.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Patience
Here's more about patience. My pastor yesterday talked about how anything God does can take time. I keep writing about it, but I inevitably forget it. I need to focus on how God is good, and He has my best in mind. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own agenda that I feel like God is dragging me through the mud instead of showing me something that is going to make me grow.
In my computer class we've been learning about PIG. Personal Instant Gratification. My pastor yesterday says we're the Instant Gratification Generation, talking about how microwaves at the time of their invention were not for warming up food. It was only later that they found that micro waves were good for this purpose. Warming up coffee - 10 seconds, come on, already! 40 seconds! - half a day!
At the same time I've also been learning about discipline. You'll never come across a lazy successful businessman.
I know these thoughts are sort of all over the place, but I hope you get the gist.
In my computer class we've been learning about PIG. Personal Instant Gratification. My pastor yesterday says we're the Instant Gratification Generation, talking about how microwaves at the time of their invention were not for warming up food. It was only later that they found that micro waves were good for this purpose. Warming up coffee - 10 seconds, come on, already! 40 seconds! - half a day!
At the same time I've also been learning about discipline. You'll never come across a lazy successful businessman.
I know these thoughts are sort of all over the place, but I hope you get the gist.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Singleness
My singleness has been bothering me for a while now. I know I'm still young, and God has someone for me, but sometimes I just plain want a guy to talk to, to hug. All my guy friends are approachable, but I just feel like it's not right, somehow, me talking to them about things.
I felt super lonely today. The sermon was on depression, and last week's was on anxiety. (I go to a Bible study on Fridays.)
During worship I was able to get back to God and what He's about. I know He doesn't want me to be all mopey because I don't have a guy that I can talk to. I know He wants me to talk to Him. I have been, I just feel like I'm completely missing something (read: someone) in plain sight.
God will point him out to me, I know. It's extremely painful to wait.
Alienated. That's how I feel I'm being treated by guys. By guys I don't mean guys that are friends, I mean guys that could become more than friends....I know I'm trying too hard.
I should be trying to be the person that is going to attract people, by being godly. I guess I just don't know where to start. That's what gets me down.
I felt super lonely today. The sermon was on depression, and last week's was on anxiety. (I go to a Bible study on Fridays.)
During worship I was able to get back to God and what He's about. I know He doesn't want me to be all mopey because I don't have a guy that I can talk to. I know He wants me to talk to Him. I have been, I just feel like I'm completely missing something (read: someone) in plain sight.
God will point him out to me, I know. It's extremely painful to wait.
Alienated. That's how I feel I'm being treated by guys. By guys I don't mean guys that are friends, I mean guys that could become more than friends....I know I'm trying too hard.
I should be trying to be the person that is going to attract people, by being godly. I guess I just don't know where to start. That's what gets me down.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Promise
This week, it's basically been the same as the last post. I focus so hard on what I want in life, which is what I think God wants, but it's really not.
God has promised me things. I just don't trust Him; I get sidetracked. I know I want to trust Him, but something happens where I forget about His promises. Promises about how He'll keep me safe, and especially that He'll provide for me.
I don't know where I go wrong about that, but I need to stop.
Jesus is the Great Physician, but God is also a Provider.
God has promised me things. I just don't trust Him; I get sidetracked. I know I want to trust Him, but something happens where I forget about His promises. Promises about how He'll keep me safe, and especially that He'll provide for me.
I don't know where I go wrong about that, but I need to stop.
Jesus is the Great Physician, but God is also a Provider.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
You Have Not Forsaken Me
I just haven't been listening to You.
This happens to me so often. I think I know what God means when He points something out to me, but I have no idea. Time and time again I struggle with trusting Him with my entire life, not just work here, school there; but with every aspect of my life, every day. When I trust Him, I able to see better what He wants from me (and for me).
One of my pastors said, "God's going to tell you what He's going to tell you, when He's going to tell you, and that's all He's going to tell you."
Patience is a real issue for me when it comes to what God wants. "Oh, He's showing me something, that must mean I have to do something about it right now." Most of the time it means He's indeed showing me something, but I have to wait in order to find out the answer.
That's always been difficult, to the point I walked away from Christ for a number of years because I got bored. It tore me apart, but Jesus was right there the entire time.
I hope for a day when I'm able to discern what God wants a little faster instead of focusing on my own agenda so much.
This happens to me so often. I think I know what God means when He points something out to me, but I have no idea. Time and time again I struggle with trusting Him with my entire life, not just work here, school there; but with every aspect of my life, every day. When I trust Him, I able to see better what He wants from me (and for me).
One of my pastors said, "God's going to tell you what He's going to tell you, when He's going to tell you, and that's all He's going to tell you."
Patience is a real issue for me when it comes to what God wants. "Oh, He's showing me something, that must mean I have to do something about it right now." Most of the time it means He's indeed showing me something, but I have to wait in order to find out the answer.
That's always been difficult, to the point I walked away from Christ for a number of years because I got bored. It tore me apart, but Jesus was right there the entire time.
I hope for a day when I'm able to discern what God wants a little faster instead of focusing on my own agenda so much.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Two Different Directions
When you're an adolescent you feel like you're not a kid, but not yet an adult. You feel like you're being pulled in two different directions.
That is how I feel. I am doing one thing, but God is telling me to do something completely different. It's really confusing. I try to figure out what exactly He wants me to do and when and why and how it's all going to work out. Then I just trust Him because it's not going to come to me magically. I have to allow God to show me what He wants me to do.
I have to give up control and just know that it's going to work out, because it has worked out always before when I trust Him with what I'm confused about. Then I go on with life and I forget how hard of a time I had, until it happens again and He shows me something new.
It keeps me interested in Jesus because I'm not stagnant.
That is how I feel. I am doing one thing, but God is telling me to do something completely different. It's really confusing. I try to figure out what exactly He wants me to do and when and why and how it's all going to work out. Then I just trust Him because it's not going to come to me magically. I have to allow God to show me what He wants me to do.
I have to give up control and just know that it's going to work out, because it has worked out always before when I trust Him with what I'm confused about. Then I go on with life and I forget how hard of a time I had, until it happens again and He shows me something new.
It keeps me interested in Jesus because I'm not stagnant.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
The Second Chance
There's a movie called The Second Chance, with contemporary Christian music (CCM) artist Michael W. Smith. His performance is such that you wouldn't know that it's his film debut.
I got a second chance today. I truly feel blessed. Beyond words. This is a blog, though, so there have to be words.
I didn't do so hot two days ago on my math test. Horrible, even. 2 out of 5 that I was confident about. I know the material, I just always freeze up with tests, math tests in particular. So, I was too upset to go talk to him about it that day.
Today, I asked him during the break whether I could talk to him about my test after class and he said, "Yeah." I figured he would just act sympathetic but I'd have to fail the test anyway. I couldn't have been more wrong.
I explained that I knew the material but that my brain just went away and I explained that it was because of pressure that I felt...with everyone else getting done early. He said that he hadn't gotten to grade all of them yet (meaning he hadn't graded mine).
I think it's sort of because he hadn't graded it yet that he suggested a retake. I was incredulous. I had thought that was not an option. He said to come in Monday. (We have a quiz on Tuesday but I was great on the quiz before...so I'm not worried.)
He said it was fine if I need a different environment. I had always been hesitant to ask an instructor about something like that because I thought they wouldn't accommodate me. Just expect me to stick it out and ignore that it's an actual problem. So, I'm glad that my instructor is so approachable.
I got a second chance today. I truly feel blessed. Beyond words. This is a blog, though, so there have to be words.
I didn't do so hot two days ago on my math test. Horrible, even. 2 out of 5 that I was confident about. I know the material, I just always freeze up with tests, math tests in particular. So, I was too upset to go talk to him about it that day.
Today, I asked him during the break whether I could talk to him about my test after class and he said, "Yeah." I figured he would just act sympathetic but I'd have to fail the test anyway. I couldn't have been more wrong.
I explained that I knew the material but that my brain just went away and I explained that it was because of pressure that I felt...with everyone else getting done early. He said that he hadn't gotten to grade all of them yet (meaning he hadn't graded mine).
I think it's sort of because he hadn't graded it yet that he suggested a retake. I was incredulous. I had thought that was not an option. He said to come in Monday. (We have a quiz on Tuesday but I was great on the quiz before...so I'm not worried.)
He said it was fine if I need a different environment. I had always been hesitant to ask an instructor about something like that because I thought they wouldn't accommodate me. Just expect me to stick it out and ignore that it's an actual problem. So, I'm glad that my instructor is so approachable.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Alive
I am still shook up from today. I want my first post to be about being alive. That's what I am. I can't really fathom it. Something happened today that was really hard for me. Then I went to my car and I was parked at a downward angle, another car in front of mine like this:
___> <___
my car other car
and I put mine in reverse to exit my parking space, and I started to go forward really fast. I freaked out and thought my car had hit it, because it was just that close. I know this is an anime thing, but think of these chevrons, as they're called, as the front of the cars. >< . It was too close. I didn't want to get out of my car and see if there was any damage because I thought I'd go forward again and really hit the car.
So I just sat there for a while, car in park, while I waited for people behind me to exit the aisle. Then I backed out and was fine. Then someone let me in and I waved thanks and I was on my way out to exit the campus. This street that I was stopped at is a two-way, and the car coming toward me this direction <----- stopped for me and so then I proceeded to accelerate. Then a car from the opposite direction going -----> this way was all of a sudden right in front of me and I saw the driver with this look on his face and his hand pressed on the horn. I put my hand to my mouth because I just plain hadn't seen him. I could have gotten in a major accident.
Of course I stopped when I saw his car.
If anyone comments on this, please don't say "be careful". I'm sorry, but that does not help me. If I had gotten into the accident and was at the hospital, would you say "be careful"? Don't say "be careful" after something has happened. I'm really sorry, I know that's rude of me, but things happened today that made me really antsy and so all I was doing was trying to be careful.
Sometimes things just happen.
I was praying all the way home, "God, just get me home", "Just get me home safe". I know I have work to do as far as my driving. That doesn't really matter to me right now.
I didn't expect to get home. I expected to die on campus. I'm serious.
God has done so much for me today alone.
___> <___
my car other car
and I put mine in reverse to exit my parking space, and I started to go forward really fast. I freaked out and thought my car had hit it, because it was just that close. I know this is an anime thing, but think of these chevrons, as they're called, as the front of the cars. >< . It was too close. I didn't want to get out of my car and see if there was any damage because I thought I'd go forward again and really hit the car.
So I just sat there for a while, car in park, while I waited for people behind me to exit the aisle. Then I backed out and was fine. Then someone let me in and I waved thanks and I was on my way out to exit the campus. This street that I was stopped at is a two-way, and the car coming toward me this direction <----- stopped for me and so then I proceeded to accelerate. Then a car from the opposite direction going -----> this way was all of a sudden right in front of me and I saw the driver with this look on his face and his hand pressed on the horn. I put my hand to my mouth because I just plain hadn't seen him. I could have gotten in a major accident.
Of course I stopped when I saw his car.
If anyone comments on this, please don't say "be careful". I'm sorry, but that does not help me. If I had gotten into the accident and was at the hospital, would you say "be careful"? Don't say "be careful" after something has happened. I'm really sorry, I know that's rude of me, but things happened today that made me really antsy and so all I was doing was trying to be careful.
Sometimes things just happen.
I was praying all the way home, "God, just get me home", "Just get me home safe". I know I have work to do as far as my driving. That doesn't really matter to me right now.
I didn't expect to get home. I expected to die on campus. I'm serious.
God has done so much for me today alone.
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